Musings of a Pioneer: Master of my Destiny! Master of my Life!

Summers had arrived with a vengeance. This is the time when increasingly hotter days are interspersed with sprinkling of relatively cooler ones through dust storms, and occasionally a few drops of rain. It was one such pleasant morning, when I noticed birds flying in the sky. There were also a few eagles circling the sky in ever increasing smaller circles.

A few memories surfaced.

I had attended many rail accidents during my professional life as a railway officer. Those were not the days of remote-control operation of the four hydraulic jacks used to lift a derailed coach or wagon. Staff would stand at the four corners of the vehicle and shout out in a sing-song voice ‘hadia’ or ‘hadd’, depending upon whether he wanted the jack in his corner to be lifted or lowered or stopped. The four staff and the hydraulic jack operator would be immersed in the activity, oblivious to the climate or the environment around.

Another memory is that of labourers straining not so developed muscles while performing a hard task like lifting a heavy object all the while singing ‘dum laga ke haisha’. This ditty would make them forget the pain of exertion, and they would complete the assigned task within no time, waiting for the master to pay them a paltry sum.

These were, and continue to be, people, who fight for their sustenance every day of their lives, uncomplainingly, not only believing, but with an implicit trust in a supreme power, that they would certainly overcome some day. I have yet to meet such a person come to me with a complaint against the Supreme being.

The same way that the birds were soaring in the sky, not for an exhilarating experience. They too need to work hard for their daily sustenance. They too need to forage for their food. But they never complain. They seem happy in doing what nature has intended them to do. They too are masters of their life.

I continued contemplating. Is my life going nowhere! Am I not free to do what I want! These were only a few of the emotions flitting through my mind, making me restless.

I met a family a few years back. They had fallen on tough times due to the pandemic. They wanted their son to continue studies but did not have the resources for the school fee. They had dreams for future, which seemed distant and elusive. I am happy that my wife and I could be of some use to them. The young boy is now in the tenth standard and wants to be an astronaut.

Each day of our lives, we find ourselves slaves of our life and destiny, thrown into the cesspool of petty biases of gender, caste, creed, religion.

Lord Krishna tells Arjun in Chapter 18, Verse 63, इति ते ज्ञानमाख्यातं गुह्याद्गुह्यतरं मया।
विमृश्यैतदशेषेण यथेच्छसि तथा कुरु॥ – I have imparted you the knowledge, deliberate over it and then wisely choose the action that you want to take. Each individual has the power to choose the course of action to make a better life.

We have the power. We should, and we will change the heading of our life to Master of my Destiny! Master of my life!

About the Writer

Sanjay started his professional journey as an electrical engineer with the Indian Railways Services. But he chose to drive the course of his life in later years, leaving a secure job to join the private sector and eventually pursue his entrepreneurial dreams.

Along the way, he realised that there was a storyteller within him – every communication in his life was a story in itself! Sanjay has published three books – Behind Closed Doors, murder mystery (2023), The Gymnast, contemporary fiction (2022), and The Life and Times of a Common Man, memoirs (2019).

Sanjay now sees stories all around him. Writing has become a passion, and he has finally become a storyteller. He is also a traveller, a book lover and an amateur photographer. Sanjay also assists companies with strategy consulting and arbitration, and conducts workshops on creative writing.

Musings of a Pioneer: Empathy!

It might have been around 1965. One afternoon, returning from the market in Aligarh in my father’s jeep, we stopped at a red signal. One car, driven at a very high speed, coming from right to left, jumped the signal. He hit a cyclist, and another man crossing the road on the left side, and possibly a few others as well. I can still remember those who had fallen. But the driver did not stop.

This left such an impression on my tender 6 year old mind, that I fear crossing even a traffic signal which is green for me, unless I have fully ascertained that no vehicle is moving in any other direction.

Over the years, as I have roamed the globe quite extensively, I have noticed an inherent disregard for traffic rules in the Indian subcontinent, where everyone on the road assumes that only they have the right of way. People in other parts of the world are not so callous.

One time we were travelling back from a project site to Addis Ababa in Ethiopia, a drive of more than 500 kilometres. I must have dozed off and woke up with a start when I heard a loud thud. Our vehicle had hit an old man at some speed. As per the sequence narrated to me by colleagues travelling with me, the old man was at fault.

My Indian mind was scared, and as the road was deserted, I am ashamed to recall that I, and probably a few of those sitting in the rear, implored the driver to rush from the spot. Reluctantly he tried to move, when out of nowhere the nearby villagers rushed in. Local policemen took us to the village police station for our own safety. We requested to be permitted to leave as we had to catch a flight.

The local policemen eventually decided to let us go, but with the stipulation that one of them would accompany us to Addis; the driver would then have to return to the village the next morning with the policeman for the law to take its course.

The local driver was persistent that he should be arrested as he had committed an accident.

Another time, I travelled to Switzerland. One early morning we were picked up by our host around six. On a deserted junction, our host cum driver stopped at a red traffic signal even though no vehicles were visible in any direction. We stood there till the light turned green.

I have seen vehicles waiting patiently on the crowded Sukhomvit in Bangkok, and even in other cities elsewhere, if even a single pedestrian has stepped on to the zebra to cross the road. No driver would honk impatiently instigating the driver in the front to run over the hapless pedestrian.

To me these instances across the globe have been revealing, as I continue to see law being broken with impunity by even the very powerful on our roads. Bhagavad Gita says आत्मौपम्येन सर्वत्र समं पश्यति योऽर्जुन| सुखं वा यदि वा दु:खं स योगी परमो मत:|| – We should consider the well-being of others as our own.

A little empathy towards others would make the world a better place!

About the Writer

Along the way, he realised that there was a storyteller within him – every communication in his life was a story in itself! Sanjay has published three books – Behind Closed Doors, murder mystery (2023), The Gymnast, contemporary fiction (2022), and The Life and Times of a Common Man, memoirs (2019).

Musings of a Pioneer: Our Dreams!

I have always believed that we are products of our dreams, our pursuit of those dreams, and our experiences along the way. I may not have been truthful with myself. We probably identify more with our fear of the unknown, pre-conceived notions, and biases.

The last couple of years have been a revelation to me. I have faced a few major medical events. I was admitted in the covid ward year before last. Night had fallen. The attendant graciously permitted my wife to accompany me up to the lift. The lift clanged shut as I looked at her, was it the last time that I would be seeing her!

No visitors were permitted. I was almost paralysed by the fear of death. I longed for physical visits by my loved ones, who tried to cheer me up through multiple video calls every day. I also realised what it meant to be dependent on others, though dependence on others in daily life is a welcome, yet often unnoticed feature.

A year later, I underwent surgery – my first. The trauma came prior to surgery in the form of my irrational apprehensions. What if the doctor started sawing me up before the anaesthesia had taken effect, or if I did not come out of anaesthesia, or worse if I did not survive the surgery!

I kept procrastinating as I passed through a myriad of such morbid sentiments. I was afraid to take the next step for fear of the unknown, till the morning I was on my way to the hospital. The rest of the morning was a blur, and soon I was walking to the operation theatre accompanied by my wife – often an unacknowledged support.

These two events should have helped me overcome my apprehensions of the unknown. Though, to be fair to myself, I have never been afraid to face uncertainties in my professional and even personal life. Yet, when a year later, I was looking at a possible surgery, and another performed surgery, I still went through the same unfounded fears.

We take several things in our lives, and probably life itself, for granted, till we are reminded about our good fortune by such events. We do not take the next step fearing the unknown, afraid of failure. People get paralysed, lose their eyesight, sometimes even their limbs. Yet, there are many instances of people overcoming their handicap through sheer grit and courage.

These past two years have been a defining period for me – to pause and reflect. Are we not scared to pursue our dreams for fear of failure! Are we not fighting with each other over petty things – religion, politics, caste, community! They would mean nothing in the final reckoning as we eventually turn to ashes or dust. But till such time, should we be held back by our preconceived notions, biases, or even the fear of the unknown, or should we rather focus on our dreams!

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन | मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि ||

A simple translation of the quote from Bhagavad Gita for me is, You should perform your duty without worrying about the fruits of your action.

When we are attached to the results, we are more likely to experience fear, anxiety, and disappointment – of the unknown, of failure.

This verse has always guided me to focus on performing, without worrying about the results.

Musings of a Pioneer: Au Revoir!

It has taken me more than a month to gather strength and pen my thoughts about the eventual truth that we all know about, but are too scared to face, till circumstances force us to look it in the eyes.

How do you bid farewell to people whom you have known your entire life! Words are not enough to put a lifetime of memories on paper. It has been a difficult and trying winter for me, as I look back and reflect on the times that I spent with those who have now merged with the eternal.

The first to go was the one with whom I was connected for more than my life on this mortal earth – 9 months or so more. Yes, she was my mother. There are myriad memories, but the uppermost in my mind are those of her possessive protection – which was never stifling – and the bridge that she was between us children and our father. I took her love for granted, hoping that my gestures were enough to convey my love.

The next to go was my maternal uncle, my mother’s younger brother. I do not know what his feelings were as he might have held me in his arms when I was born. He would have been only a 17 year old young boy at the time. In fact, I also never felt the urge to ask him about the emotions that might be going through his heart at the time. The reason was simple – he never treated me as a child. We spoke as equals. He made me feel special without overtly talking about it. Now we will talk no more.

The last was someone who I met 25 years ago – not a lifetime, but no less also. We met professionally, lived in the same complex and developed a healthy regard for each other. Our children grew up together. Our younger daughters developed a friendship that would be the envy of all. We moved on, but spoke occasionally. Every time that we spoke or on the rare times that we met, he would ask me to come home to reminisce about our times together over a glass of wine. That never happened.

Now there are unsaid thoughts and a regret that I should have made efforts to be more communicative. The three deaths have also brought home the fact that our time on the planet is limited, and there is a lot to be done, a lot to be said to dear ones. There would never be enough time; but I can try.

I do not know if there is a supreme being in the other realm who would judge me. I only hope that when I close my eyes, I do so with a satisfaction that I tried my best.

Au revoir my dear ones… Till we meet again… This time we will talk… And do the things that we wanted to do together.